myselfedness

Redirect yourself...

2006-08-15T00:22:00.000+08:00

Hey this blog has become quite rojak and not really that nice anymore....
So i made a new blog...

http://www.dayliedose.blogspot.com

Enjoy...

Man in the Mirror

2006-04-11T00:59:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt like you are totally useless in the sense

where you are unable to anything right?

Just that the one thing you think you can do best isn't all

that impresive to the world after all?

Well, ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to the world of In-Se-Cur-Ity!

A jambalaya of emotions filled with

Disgust, Jealousy, Hatred, Anger, Shame and full of

"I am not Good enough"talks.

Confessions?

Yup, I feel that way all the time...

For me, it's my so called "talent" in singing.

I usually feel challenged whenever I hear someone sing and I want to try as hard as possible

to top him or her in hopes of fishing out a compliment to just feel...Secure!

But to my surprise and my past records, I usually get embarrased in front of others.

You see, people do come up and tell me that I can sing and that lifts me beyond cloud 9 but when I am compared, or just being told that I am not good enough, I will get totally dishearted.

Why am I feeling this way?

Why do I constantly try so hard to prove myself in front of others?

It's just because I realise that I am not comfortable in my own skin.

Jesus did say that we are created in His image and hence, we should feel special...

And with regards to what I can or cannot do, I shouldn't feel handicaped as I learn from my friend, Yean Ching, that I should do everything in His name, to glorify and edify His Kingdom.

I am still learning to feel this way.

It was just yesterday I felt challenged at a choir practice but hey, as far as I should be concerned, tommorow as I will be singing in a choir, I just wanna do my best for Him without regards whether I stand out from the rest,

what is important is that My Lord is proud of me...

And that should be all that matters.

Ps... Don't be such a scrouge with compliments...dish them out whenever possible cos it helps build others... Encourage others if you want others to encourage you as well... :p

As Church Bells Rang, I See Someone Enter 6 Feet Under.

2006-04-01T00:43:00.000+08:00

Its been a tiresome weekend...
25th of March 2006,
A date wher I have endurred the best and the worst in life...
It was such a bitter sweet week...
My best friend cum Pastor, Ps. Noah is getting hitched on that day, a wedding much anticipated for as we have been notified since last year September...
It seemed like eternity then, only to realise that the said day is going to be.....today!!!!
I was initially asked to sing at the wedding, and the couple asked me to sing their favourite song, a Rod Stewart classic, Have I told You Lately.
And at the very last minute... He asked me to be his best man or rather one of his best men...
It was really exciting....
Waiting patiently the next day, as i was watching the telly, my friend Richard smsed...

It writes:-

Bad news...Swee Kee just passed away...

funeral will be at 8 tonight.

All I could do at that moment was cry...At that point of time, I wished that there was a missing word after his name, I wish it wasn't him but after I made several phone calls, I realised it was him... A 19 year old boy, gone with the wind just because of some unknown reason of a viral attack that entered his lungs and heart.

I was so lost, a wedding is coming up in a couple of hours while I was torn deep down.

Where do I go?

Where should I go?

I ended up t the wedding putting on my very best, singing my heart out and received compliments and encouragement to do Malaysian Idol but deep down lies a broken soul of a departed friend.

I was given a chance to visit him by his coffin, speechless, I just send my sincere condolences and left as I could not stand looking at him and his parents...Its just to heavy on me as I need to prepare a youth wedding celebration...

After the whole youth thing ended, filled with laughter and slapsticks, I went home, emotionally drained.

I laughed a little and cried a little but not just a little.

Remembering the moments I last saw him,it was so funny...

Just as he was leaving my house after a christmas party, he took home a whole box of chicken wings after much debate with Irene, saying that this would be his breakfast the next day...

And since then, we never met till then...

A good friends we've lost, like the mist in the rain,

Your picture remains, but not in a frame,

In my heart it will be sealed with a promise,

In paradise we'll meet again.

To the late Shawn Yap Swee Kee...

Our Local Music Industry...Creame of the Crop or Kream of the Crap?

2006-03-03T23:54:00.000+08:00

Working in my law firm only comes with one perk, that is being able to listen to the radio all day long....
And being a normal youth, who wouldn't tune in to Hitz.fm which is filled with the latest hippest hits...
Having the radio from 9 to 5 means I get to hear loads of songs and adds as well....
Nearly every hour, listeners will be bombarded with messages asking the public to support piracy...opps....support the original in which I don't intend to most of the time...

Then it dawn on me,
Why aren't Malaysians supporting our Local Acts?

"We are the winners of last years Blast Off Competition but I bet you don't know us" says an unknown member of a band named K-Town Clan...
I have never heard of their music but from what I've heard, it basically comprises of Rap.
Some of the better known Malysian Acts are Too Phat, Jason Lo aka JLo, Reshmonu and some others. The names I have just dished out are basically artist that are either in the Hip-Hop, Rock or just some sort of unknown genre that is basically a copy of something someone else did.

Is it because their music is not Good enough?
Or is it because we only listen to english songs sung people with blond hair?
For me personally, I am a big fan of ballads with a pinch of Rock and Hip-Hop to balance my taste but our local talents are really steriotypes. The things they do are so mundane. the music they produce have no, in the words of Simon Cowell, "The X-Factor".
The only make noise and just rhymes but none of which makes you sit and listen and hunger for more.
Malysian English music is so stagnant that they only produce music which is stuck to one Genre but what about the rest?
Do Malysians only like to listen to deafening music or are there more options to consider?
Will Malaysian English Acts ever make it BIG?

A question that will only be answered if Malaysians have faith to take the next step?

This is Not PORN!!!

2006-02-26T00:17:00.001+08:00

Tonight I have to Confess that one of my many guilty pleasures is watching America's Next Top Model where these Chicks showcase their Bitchiness and strut of their God-given assets...
I am a big fan of the pictures taken especially this lot...

Here are pictures taken from the Garden of Eden.....

My Long Awaited.....Post

2006-02-11T18:19:00.000+08:00

Ya ya...

"WHy you so long no Blog one?"

A common question posted to me....

Well.....

I have been working now a days and have absolutely no time to blog but given today....

Why not?

Ok....

So here is a the brief summary of my unforgetable moments between the last time I blog till now....

16th December 2005

Left for Korea with family and visited loads of places such as

Korea presidents house (Looks like some kings palace, infact the ancient one is just a few blocks away)

Dae Chang Gum Village which looks extremely cool but relatively small.....

Nami Island,

The infamous spot where the movie Winter Sonata was shot....

The place is super romantic and I wish to go there again with my....ehem...Any takers?

Korea's musuem of culture and....

Skiing of course....

Am not a good skier at all cos I fall amillion times but only skied 10 times....

Painful experience yet one I'll never forget....

But the best...

Snow....

I really get to see snow fall and snowflakes really are in a shape of a star.....

22nd December 2005

My tour to Hong Kong with Mr Lim,

Initially, i thought it's gonna be difficult with him but in the end,

He was the one that's the most co-operative of all....

He thought me loads during the journey,

I had fun especially in Disneyland,

But filled with Mainland Chinese in which I totally LOATHE for their indespicable attitude,

Its is a shame though we are of the same race and all....

The trip after all was manageable...

3rd January 2006

Well after a few days of rest it's time to find a real job,

Or rather one that pays,

I found a job as I suppose a general clerk come attachment in a legal firm,

JNHR, Advocates and Solicitors....

Kinda fit in already yet now....I am so loaded with work!!!

31 January 2006

My unexpected trip to Hong Kong again....

Cut the Whole damn story short.....

SsssssTtttttRrrrrEeeeeeSSsssssFULL!!!!!!!!!!!

especially when Disneyland rejects entry....

But thanks be to GOD (and I mean it)

My tour Group managed to go in.....

I thought my first visit full but that day,

MADNESS!!!!

2day,

Sitting at home, Typing this thing,

Uploading songs up My SONY MP3 player I won from Channel [V],

KEWLNESS!!!!

2molo,

Only God knows!!!!

Holy-Holid@y!!!`

2005-12-11T15:04:00.000+08:00

Its only 3 weeks since my very last day in school and i am getting more and more restless everyday.....
I've been working at my aunt's for a week now...
It's easy going yet he hours are long and there is no holiday....
I've been working all week....
But it's just for this week....
Not too soon, I will be leading a tour to Hong Kong again....
But I am nervous this time...
I am preety afraid about screwing up...
I am leading a group of professionals this time rund and one of them,which I am quite aquainted with has a rather intriguing personality....
I just hope that I can do a fairly good job and just earn some extra pocket money and hoping that the tour runs smoothly....
Really stressed about it but in the wise proverbs written.....

In everything we do, lets submit it to God first...

So I will, so I will.....

Anyway, for all you readers, please do not ask me for souvenier as this is a working trip....

Anyhow, I would not forget to bring home goodies to share, that is if I get some income from the trip first....

the only consolation thus far, would be me being able to celebrate Christmas in Disneyland, Hong Kong.....

Ok..so see you guys when I am home.

Memoirs of a Cochranean @.@

2005-11-25T16:29:00.000+08:00

Hmmm......
Locked in the confines of the office walls I am as I type these unlively letters...
Though I am not working yet I was pulled to my mum's office and due to some unforseen reason, my appointment with a so called consultant didn't materialise which leaves me so much time to blog.....
Indeed last monday was a most celebrated moment for I officially ended my long awaited graduation from high school...
Couldn't have imagined that 7 years just passed like that....
I could still remeber the first day I steped into Cochrane Road School....
I recall before entering the school gates, I caught a boy playing traunt....
And not long, I sinked into the big school and was given a probation as a school prefect.
After many trials and tribulation, I finally finished my 8 month long probation and was given the title"Junior Prefect".
Then I started form 2, my naughtiest years where I was nearly the most rebelious boy on the entire planet!!!!
Nothing special till form3,

ah....

end of afternoon school....

and the begining of morning school.Due to my awful attitude, I started attending church which in the end I got so attached with....

Oh yes, It was then I got so many open doors in the sense where I was given so many opportunity to prove myself in the eyes of, not the world yet,but my dear Cochraneans. I started public speaking which made me an instant school celeb when I only won 2nd place( talk about exargerating)and also given extra responsibility in Cf as the Asst. follow-up director...

then was PMR and the resuts, which to my surprise ,exceed my expectation.

Form 4 marks the start of my busy days where I joined many activities

(and did I mention less studying?)

Debates and public speking and the performance for the national day celebration....
school turn into a play ground and oh...

That year I got promoted to be a part of the exco of the prefectorial board...nothing much, just a section cheif and also the birth of the much anticipated Phua Chu Kang gang, which is a group of 5 namely Satgian, Shobana, Pei Yi, Suthar and me who just adores stealing the limelight impersonating PCK and CO.
The year's highlight was our success in being the champions of an imporsonation competition. Not just that we were the youngest but the most creative group which won the crowd over.

Form 5 marks the end of the line for many as after SPM, many may not return for form 6.

But for me, Life is as busy as I was made president over the CF. After all the competition are over, the year quickly draws to an end and exam approaches.

Yup, Not really well the reults are but after the NS stint....

I was enrolled into form 6...

When the real story of my life truly unravel.

Form 6 has been the most enjoyable days as I get to know so many inteligent students from around KL and may I mention, Good looking ones too....

They were this bunch of happy people I am forever blessed to know, there were geniuses like Boon Ming and Tze Jun, Atheletes like Wai Jin, Leaders like Xi Mun and so many more....and this year highlight my highest achievement in the prefects board where I was given the post vice cap in the board (The post where u need not do much, just leave it to the boss)and also odd post such as vice chairman to the BM soceity (surprised? me too).

This year has challenged me to study hard, due to the immense pressure from those around me. And the best part is we encourage one another. Actually, we did a lot of things together. We go for movies and karaoke and celebrate each others birthday which is really cool. Stpm ended with Chemistry paper 2 and we all headed to Neway for karaoke and later the movie Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

Since then we've depated and never met again.I truly miss everyone in the class....

I miss the three squeeky girls, Padma, Shobana and Venni,

I miss the quiet ones too, Ee Lin, Lie Ting, Amy, Sia Hui, Nithiya, Ratna, Mee Fong, Mun Wai and Sanjaya...

I miss the class nurse and treasurer, Irene.

I miss our council president, Kai Yit.

I miss the most creative genius,Boon Ming.

I miss the twin sisters, Pei Pei and Chui Ling

I miss the guy with the longest name,Steven Harry Potter Low Kem Maw

I miss My editor, H'ng Ee

I miss my distant aunt, Pei Ye

I miss the pretty and inteligent Tze...opps....Sze Jun

I miss the class clowns, Khai Cheong and Haiharan

I miss tallest girl in class, May Hwa

I miss the girl who shares my birthday, Chee Kuen

I miss the girl who is obsessed with pigs, Su Sin

I miss the girl who is the most potential House wife, Sue Yee

I miss the nicest guy in class, Kok Keong aka SK2

I miss computer genius, Ling Li

I miss my Ding Dong, Wei Zi

I mis the Kichi-Miow, Christina

I miss My dear sister, Angel

I miss My dear friend Wai Jin

AND

I miss My dear Brother, Kenny

I really miss each and one of them...
And so, now ends the very end of my school life, no more 6 o'clock routines, no more blue shirt and red tie and no more a high school student...
I am now a young adult and I need to learn the facts of life.
Its been a long time typing down but deep down my heart has been crying as I stroll down memory lane...
But now is a new start for me, I need to be thinking of the course I want to take and a temp job for the moment....
Even so, at this moment, I choose to put that on hold as I enjoy a moment of silence, remembering the beautiful times I had, my 7 years, A Cochranean.

Hmmmm....What is Love? A Tribute to my Forever Love, Jeanne.

2005-10-16T13:31:00.000+08:00

Well....
Have u ever loved someone till you just could ignore all of their weaknesses,
and all that you could see is the beauty that lies in their eyes...
Have you ever loved somebody so much that no matter how painful it is to love, you would still go on loving him/her...
Have you ever felt so different, as though there is such a tangable presence when that special someone is around....
Well, once, there was a girl who felt the exact way towards me.
But foolishly, I ignored it thinking that I know whats best for both of us...
You see, She was this perfect girl envisioned by me. She is interlectual, has great leadership qualities, a sports woman, and well, she is gentle, spirirted girl....To me, she is the most beautiful girl that I have ever met...
And as I observe from afar, all I could do is just admire her because to me, a girl like her deserves someone much better than me and I couldn't stand a chance.
Days turn to months and our friendship grew and with constant exchanges of sms, I grew fonder and fonder towards her...
Then, one day I discover that she actually have feelings for me and too soon, I tried to have a relationship with her only to find out that she is only hoping that we start from being close friends...
I agreed but after awhile, I guess with my insecurity, I decided that a line should be drawn as to where we should be,I ended up making a mess...I ended not just a potential relationship but a friendship...
I told her of all my insecurities and the truth about my life, my dark pasts, my everything.....Even so, she still like me for who I am.....But my mind was selfishly stubborn and I led her through the most painful journey in her life...At those moments, she only promised me that she would wait for me till the whole ordeal is over...
Those times,I ignore her every deeds, her ways of trying to understand me....
She tried to build me up, to make a hero out of me and I try to put out every fire that she tried to light in my life....
The pinnacle of this disasterous event was my accusations towards her that brought up an uproar and soon, our friendship turned into ashes with no chance of resurection....I even hurt others around me...At that moment, I knew I still had feelings for her....
Am I too late to humble myself to ask for forgiveness?
I could understand that right now, all that I say would worth nothing more than mere words but if you are reading this Jeanne, I really love you....
This words come from the very bottom of my heart, I couldn't let you go.
I was foolish once and I know that there were many things I should not have done but I beg of your forgiveness....
Please, all this time, I couldn't stop thinking how could I mend your heart...All i could do is to lament day and night hoping that a second chance would arrive.....
I just need one chance, one last to prove myself to you....
Please, I'll be right here waiting for you.

2005-10-05T17:05:00.000+08:00

Well it was pure happiness when the whole class (well nearly all) attended the Graduation night at the De Palma hotel....
It was so cool that all of us took the time and effort to dress up and make ourself look so handsome and for some...
Extremely pretty....
We were all having so much fun where all of us were seated in round tables and as usual, our class has a certain craving for cameras...
We just couldn't stop clicking the camera and flashing our pearly whites in front of the camera....
We started taking pictures from the stairs all the way to the ballroom and while the certificates are being passed out, we were still clicking away....
It was such an auspicious day for all of us as we are graduating from high school and we would miss school life dearly as we step into varsity...
After the awarding ceremony, a lucky draw is held and to my surprise for the first time, my name was drawn....haha...
But the drawback was the prizes were a bit...Cheap!!! I got some premiums from citibank and KBU college....
Anyway, the best part was there was a sort of award thingy going on ala Oscar awards and our class was awarded with the most sporting class title....
We were thrilled beyond measure our wildest imagination as it was the last award and we stood in union screaming and cheering...
Fuh....
The day ended with more photoshoots with almost everyone we meet on the way and then it was the food we've been faminely anticipating....
As we gobbled down we continue taking pictures and then we started to do the customary "Yum Seng" before we sang Happy BIrthday to May Hwa....
The day ended with a bang.....Of course....but the best part, we had fun...TOGETHER!!!!
3 Cheers for U6Sc2...
Oh ya...Checkie our picture....

The hottie's and hunks from U6Sc2

And the 3 most good looking ones...Ha Ha Ha....

Before we started the event...We need a picture of those from our table....

Me and the lady of my life...(not really, she is just my sister)..Angel.

The class with their gleaming white teeths...

How Cute!!!

Fun is defined as....

2005-09-27T19:01:00.000+08:00

Well...

FUN has many definitions....

Going to school can be FUN....

Geting a present can be FUN......

But...As for me....

Fun would be best described as a day where all your friends gather for KARAOKE and you scream your lungs off while prancing around on the couch...TO me thats is pure FUN!!!

OK... OK....

Today the whole class (well most of the sporting ones) went for an outing after our an intense week of grueling exams....

So we went to Neway to celebrate the end of our trials and Kem Maw's birthday....

It started off a bit slow but when things heated up in the room....WE were all dancing on the seats and sang till our voice nearly went off....

It was fun to have such a united class that spend time having fun with one

another....

We laugh and talk and do so much together even though each of us are so individualistic...

I suppose that makes us all...SPECIAL!!!

SO ...

Check out these cool pictures....

The quartet...Kenny, Angel, Christina and Me...

This is..."THE GANG"

Thats the way...aha aha...We like it....

Just could never understand why all of them likes to gather when the camera starts flashing...

Have you ever seen a prettier scene....Su Sin's hottest picture yet...

The bithday boy is all smiles....

My evil twin...Chee Quen (I hope I spell that right)

The petite....Chui Ling....

And doesn't she seem reluctant to smile....?Pls smile lah Pei Peay..

Miss Smile-A-Lot...Su Sin...

Sze Jun and me....In Devilish Red clothes...

May Hwa...with her smile which launch a thousand ships...

Me and Wai Jin....Don't we just look cute as a...Never mind....

Yup...Fun is spell all over the pictures ain't it?

Well....After the whole party....Some of us stayed back for a movie...Flight Plan which I truly was one of the best movie I have ever watched....It is such a touching story which everyone should watch...I give it two thumbs up...

Anyway...Guess I should be off studying for my exams now...10 Chapters to complete tonight.... Adios Amigos...

The Return of the Emancipator......aNd the Chronology continues....

2005-09-03T22:44:00.000+08:00

Hmmmm.....

Its been so long...

Really long since I have blogged....

So many things have happened yet so little time to include every detail about what has been going on in my life....

Don't get me wrong...

Trials are here soon and i am not having enough time to revise....

And loads of stuff has happened.....

Fought with mum twice in 2 weeks....

Really pissed because of something we disagreed on....

Sometimes I know it is hard to let go of your kids and you, as a parent, you hope that they just don't grow up to fast...

But Mum I wish I could tell you that it's time.....to let go!!!

And

I know I may not be the most obedient child but I need space and freedom too....Pls understand!

Then....

Lately, I kinda overstrain my voice..

so couldn't sing that well.....

and ther is this kind of pinch when I sing....

I pray that I won't loose my voice and stuff....

Then I was kinda depressed too about my friends....

I have been asking myself about my friends....

Many might not know but my friends, to me are everything...

I sometime feel lonely...

Like no one is there ready to listen to my needs....

and

I feel like I let my friends down too at times when I have caused so much troubles and so I felt bad and stupid

and I got so worked up about stuff but fortunately...

Kenny and Noah shoke me up and I was back on track....

And

Chrissy's dad is not feeling well...

And his conditions are worsening...

And well it bothers me cos to see a friend in such conditions breaks my heart but all that I can do is to pray and encourage her...

Hmm....

Then it is time for our next exam which is our trials...

It ain't easy as we have finish up our sylabus( is this how u spell it?)

And we have so much to do yet so little time....

Anyway, i guess its time for me to sign off but...I really hope to have more time to elaboprate about all that has happened especially about my new taste in music and stuff but I believe thre will be a chance soon...

Adois Amigo!!!

Incredibly extraordinarily exceptionally....OK la

2005-08-07T21:13:00.000+08:00

Well today I was assigned to go to my mum's office to "jaga" the office while a group of people from Komas will be shooting a video about racism...
At first I was a bit shy when all of these "adults" with serious looking faces shooked my hands but later, we were chattering away...
What astounds me most is that they were shooting a video about racism and discrimination, I was able to meet and chat with some of the most talented, creative and not to mention nice people...
They are so humble that I could hardly imagine...
The actors and actresses are just part timers with a couple who are law lecturers....
It was a great opportunity to learn so much from them especially the director and project manager....Raymond and Shabnum( she is hot by the way)
The best part is I get to interview the producer MIEN who is super funny and interlectual....Its my first interview but it was indeed an enriching one where we talked about racial discrimination and stuff...
But the best is that the whole day of shooting looks like on of those reality shows where u are behind the scenes...
Everything about the shooting was fine until one of the actres which is going through emotional distress call its quits...She broke down and the producer who is the most patient person I have ever seen just waited and tried a few things and just kept the ball rolling... He was just so pro....
At the end of the day, I could not just stop but sing praises to the whole team for their effort in making a 5 minute video...They took their roles seriously and did their own part fantastically...
Congrats to the team...
as for me...today is just one of the many days that has given me a bigger preview of what I hope and think that I would like to do....

I wanna go Home!!!

2005-08-05T18:56:00.000+08:00

What am I talking about...
Ain't I right now at home?
Well.....Ya it's just that I am missing something more homely and I am still asking what is it?
Could it be in the sense of missing a friend? Or a place...
Soon I realise I miss Jesus...I really do...
Like the song " I'm just too far from where you are and I wanna come home"
I wanna be the prodigal son but I realise I don't even have enough guts to go home and face Him...
I wanna be the me I used to be....
I need Him yet I just feel so distant...
Church, CF, discipleships have become so meaningless...
It's like a body that lacks a soul....
I just wanna be able to form the once upon a time relationship with Him once again but I just don't know how...
I am like a ship drifting in the sea of confussion....Ever drifting, ever lost, ever unown and unhomed...
Hmmm....It's strange that I could type this out cos I don't know how help is gonna come....I wanna go home but I just don't know the way...Please...bring me home...

Look what have you done?

2005-07-26T15:43:00.000+08:00

Hmmm....

Today is rather a perculiar day at school...

Well...It was time for our MUET class and we were all required in a circle...

And all of us need to start a discussion...

After much debate...Wai Jin(the dictatorous monitor of U6Sc2) stood up to and gave an interesting topic...

"Sex before Marriage"

So there goes....

A topic which would set off sparks and debates....

As Boon Ming slowly warmed the topic up.....

It soon turns into a complete ding-dong...

With me and Pei Yi tirelessly firing our ideas about the pros and cons of sex before marriage the class sat quitely, trying to digest all that has been said.

Pei Yi was all out to brain wash the world that its okay to have sex before marriage while I keep her points in check, making sure that my opinion is an absolute contrast to her belief...

It was then when the most stupid thing happened...

Wai Jin stood up and try to speak her mind....and since she knew she was no match with me....

She tried to shut me off by shouting across the class, her finger's pointing at me commanding me to give a chance and let others share....

What strikes me is her ignorance and her disrespect towards her classmates and not to mention teacher and especially me...

I just couldn't understand what have I done to deserve such response...

There are others who said a lot...

But she has to do it to me....

And when others are sharing their point of view....

She would be busy chattering away...

I am always her target....

But anyway....

I decided to take the other way out.....

Instead of fighting on, I decided to stay out cos to continue debating with such people is a total waste of my time....

Hey....I shouldn't be giving her too much of my precious attention too right( So "Perasan"....)

But I actually thank all my classmates who stood by my side, even my teacher present who thinks that she has gone over the line...

And that she is way too much....

At least there are many sensible people other than her....

And I also think that I

Need to learn to be more graceful and to accept what others say for it is in fact their choice and it is not up to me to judge or control.

I need not fight or debate with others like a "mak chik" from the market....

I have to learn to restrain myself and to appreciatte the people who truly care for me....

Even though I am still "geraming"....

I think I need to let go and to think positively of others...

Maybe I am too talkactive till I didn't let others a chance to talk and she was just trying to shut me up...

But If I were in her shoes...

I would NOT have made a fool out of myself like this!!!

Teenage Wasteland...

2005-07-22T20:21:00.000+08:00

Hmmm...

I still keep wondering...

At times I do ask this question...

" Who are truly your friends?"

Surely not one of those backstabbers but I believe each

one of us needs a shoulder to depend on....

But I do ask too the question...

How many friends ARE dependable?

How many of them are able to spend nights on the telephone when you are down and out?

How many will not be talking behind your back?

How many will put on a mask and just secretly they poison the minds of others with their venomous tongue?

You see...being in a class in school teaches you these valuable lessons...

People are not who they seem to be...

A sweet girl can actually be the worst threat

yet

A guy whom you least expect to talk may be a sensitive soul to cling on to.

You see I have treated everyone with my heart ( and I am not lying)

but yet

Some or rather many choose to misunderstand me and judge me on certain things that
I do or say.

They think that they are wise enough to judge you and that the constantly magnify the tiny problems and misconducts of your life

but fail to examine the worst of themselves.

They would secretly gossip you behind your back

and pursue others to do the same...

Soon...You find part of your so-called "friends"

are sneering at you, talking at a different tone, looking at you with a certain point of view...

Friends...

These are the symptoms of betrayal to friendship...

You see, I receive such "looks" from my peers all the time

in which I suppose what I have mentioned above has come to past.

You might treat someone nicely but you might not know what they are trying to say about you when you are not around...

The ones you look highly upon and respect most might be those who would prowl on your weary soul....

But

even so...

These are valuable lessons to learn in life...

Don't give yourself to the without boundaries for it will eat you up like a lion...

Reserve yourself and protect yourself from such harmful danger....

Its OK to be hurt before...

Just pick yourself up once again...

But as a consolation...

Do keep one thing in mind

Even though these folks might treat you so,

Do remember, they might suffer the same fate for everyone is observing...

I am not a believer in KARMA.

BUT....

What goes around comes around....

White Band For Life< Silence Speaking UP>

2005-07-03T00:04:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered what happens in 3 seconds?
A child in the continent of Africa who suffers through extreme poverty,Dies.
We had never actually appreciatted life but now, I truly see that people struggle to live in Africa and most of them are young, innocent children hardly old enough to know what is happening around them.
So right now, you might be asking the same question, "What can I do?"
Well for starters, Visit
- www.live8live.com
- www.one.org
Here are some websites which will allow you to support them by sending in messages to world leaders who might come across your plead for the children in Africa.

Next get a white band. Put it on your wrist or just put it on your dog, Tie your dog with a white band. Make people notice it....Voice it out through the silence.

We are not here on earth to live for ourselves only but to help one another.....Do your part, As they say, We do not need your money, we need your voice. As you read this post, say a prayer that a change may come to the plight of poverty in Africa....

Malaysian Idol video....

2005-06-20T15:02:00.000+08:00

Malaysian idol!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who would have guess...

that I would be on TV....

I was just shocked to me knees when I saw on friday night the audition clips from KL....

Man, I look weird...sound weird.....and it certainly is weird to see yourself on TV...

And it was really fun to have people calling you up when they see you on TV...

Well, even so... the endless bugging from people around me especially classmates and school friends who just couldn't get enough asking me all the juicy details are getting on my last nerve but its an art to turn them down by letting them know about my withdrawal from the competition...

Yes...I know it's dumb but my parents insist me to study hard and perhaps if I may...I'll join again next year....I have to obey ma...

And I did Acheive my purpose thats to prove to myself that I really can sing....

I am also able to have more exposure and experience till next year to prepare myself for the eliminations so its a win win situation...

So vote for me..next year la....

Oh Ya before I forget...

If u missed me on the telly...

see me on the website

www.kreees.com/idol

Shut up!

2005-06-09T00:35:00.000+08:00

Ever heard a depressing voice in your head?

Ever been thinking that people around you might hate you?

Think that you are the loneliest soul around?

Yup...Thats been playing around my mind for weeks

Been so damned tired about my life lately...

I feel that my friends hate me so very much..

I feel like I caused a lot of trouble and lead people around me to stumble.......

Feel like I aint no so called " Good Christian" or up to the standard...

Feel so lost....so depressed...

A song plays in my mind..."Nobody loves me, everybody hates me"

I even hate myself....

Then today, came my God-send Angel,

SI PENG, yup HO SI PENG....

He talked me out of stupidity....

You see there are a lot of wisdom behind it.....

Just a few nights ago, My friend Kenny Stayed up till 4 just to talk me out of such depression but I ignored him

It's until Si Peng came and just ask me to ask such voices to SHUT UP!!!

Well, i needed that.....

You see.....

I need to bust some myths in my life...

First thing first. my friends don't hate me, not all at least....

Angel, Kenny, Eu Jin, and a whole bunch dont at least.....

Then, I think I am Not that big of a deal that I can Change someone or make some one else stumble...I ain't that Great....

Then, I forgotten I am not created perfect....

Well, sometimes it's the evil one or even ourselves who creates such lies....

The truth is there are still people there for me and I am loved not by all, but by many....

Well one week passed....

2005-06-06T00:54:00.000+08:00

Hmmmm.....

One whole week of holiday where its

TV and onlining and not much of study and tuition.....

Well, this week need to change a bit.....

Need to study....

Finish up my novel......

And still enjoy myself....

SO how has your week been.....

We have 168 hours in a week...

How many have we used to bless others?

How many is used to study?

How many has been used to watch TV?

Asking such questions....

1.Let our guilt take over now

2.Turn off the PC

3.Go to your study table....

4.Open up your books

5.Start studying!!!!

1.You could say..."Hey, I could do it tommorow"

2.And I could assure you school reopens and you will have nothing accomplish...

ALL THE BEST!!!aaaaaaa

To disappoint or be disappointed, that is the QUESTION!

2005-06-01T17:21:00.000+08:00

Well our lives revolve around disappointment....
Is either we disappoint others or we get hurt, disappointed....

I am just so tired about my life.....It's like I just found out I have disappointed so many people....Too many yet there are also many people whom I just found out are big disappointers in my life.

I try very hard not to disappoint others...and to tell the truth, I really tried....Everyone has so much expectations on me and i just wanna get away from all my pressure, and just move on.....I am expected to do so much and when I fail to reach that mark they've set, They get diappointed and I will get depressed...Perhaps that is how I am emotionally....I always try to please everyone and be as fake as possible to myself to a point where I start to deceive myself.....I really need a break....

I treat everyone with my heart....I have always told them truths from my heart and behind be I am stabbed hurtfully....I really felt disappointed by the people I am closest with.....People can be so fake at times....

So, well, I am lost, puzzled, confused and pressured as well as depressed.......
What do I do?

Grounded for life

2005-05-31T16:13:00.000+08:00

Well well

What do you know..... I am grounded for these two weeks of holidays but the funny thing is that I am not sad or depressed at all rather, I am kinda happy bout it...At least I am able to be all alone at home doing what I love doing.

How did I get into trouble?

Well simple....Mum came home and wanted me to go down to Petaling Street to accompany her to get my sister and brothers specs to be inspected.....It has totally nothing to do with me but still, she wants my company...How sick is that? I rather stay at home watching TV then to waste my time there.....So there goes the threats...." Oh, so you can go for Steven's meeting but can't accompany me lah.....Blah, blah blah.....Ok so you can't go for that......"U noe what? I am totally fine with that.....At that point of time I don't even care....Even if it means staying at home all the time during the holidays...I think I am better off that way.It's just not fair when parents try to say all these stupid stuff to you that they can't ask you to do simple stuff and things like that....I suppose they've forgotten I ain't no 9 year old anymore....I deserve to do what I think I wanna do and not tag along everywhere....I don't see my school mates tagging with their parents all over....Furthermore, I thyink I am the only one who is still doing it and when you don't go, this is what you get.......

I sometimes wonder how old will I need to be in order that I am able to be like my classmates....Maybe 90......

From wax to Wax!

2005-05-31T00:51:00.000+08:00

What was I crapping....Ok!

I went for a movie entitled "House of Wax".

A thriller with Paris Hilton in it.....Needless to say, a movie that many claim to be a so so kinda thing due to her appearance.....

So I went with Angel and Eu Jin and Andre to watch it....With the other two hunks behind....I was stranded with my darling sister, Angel, starts.....

The whole time I feel bangs on the back of my chair....looking behind, it was Eu Jin being pissed for "snatching" his precious seat...

The movie was an interesting one where body parts are torn apart like a butcher slicing and dicing of without sympathy and as for me.....Io was hiding behind my blazer all the time....Shreiking and shutting my eyes and ears.....It was a bit too gory..no ....way too gory, I couldn't even withstand while the rest enjoy it, for me it was a solid 2 hours of pure torture....Talk about MAN-ly-ness.

Haih.....then some " Merajuk" and then it was of for tuition and stuffs that I normally do....Oh I also bumped into the Mix FM roadrunners...An OK day but Well......I think it could've been better.....

Goodbye Skool Day, Hello Holly Day

2005-05-28T17:13:00.000+08:00

Well what do You think?
Holidays are up and its time to catch up with everything I've left behind....
Studies, friends, movies, updating my blog and doing stuff I love doing so it will be fun....
It will also be a time when I need to refresh myself, thinking bout the things in my life that has been going on like a whirlwind.....
Oh, yesterday when school was over(11.30 am) we namely, Richard, "Teng Teng", Irene, Chin Nee, Eu Jin, Kim Soon,Swee Kee hit down to Time Square for Madagascar.
Guess What? I meet Angel, My sis unsuspectedly.....So "Yau Yun"....but we didn't get to watch a movie together as usual and its sad cos we never made it and it happened so many times, but I do believe there will be a day we get to do so.....It was a fun day cos I bumped into my friends while watching the movie....Venni and gang. Then it was spending time with my bro, Eu Jin for a little chat....After he left, I knocked into Kenny (my bestest friend in school) and Boon Ming then later Angel again.......I went home so tired and to add to it, the movie was disappointing, I slept on and off but oh well, spending time with all my friends is what matters most....

Friends or foe?

2005-05-25T18:01:00.000+08:00

Friends or foe?

I often wonder......sometimes the people you treat as friends can turn 180 degrees and stab you behind.....yet some can be so graceful to forgive you even though you have failed them.

Who am I talking about? Myself and my so called "friends".

Friendships are always, as I believe, best when kept in a distance. You will not feel hurt nor betrayed. They still share the same amount of happiness with you and you will go through less sleepless nights when they don't come up to you to complain about their problems.....Yet, where is the true meaning of friendship if this is what you call friends?

To me, friends are those who are faithful to one another, keeps each another accountable and being able to share their ups and downs in life.

I have indeed found some good ones along the way of my life like my sis, Angel, Kenny, Wilson, Irene, Steven and Ps. Noah and yet I've gone through life with many disappointing ones too in my life.

I just hope that I am able to keep my friends close to my heart and never let them go through hurt and pain and I hope that each one of them know that I may not be the perfect friend but my heart and intentions for them are as true as gold......

A day of total relaxation

2005-05-22T00:31:00.000+08:00

After a long week of exams and endless reading and revising, its time to chill out and relax and unwind.....So we decided to celebrate Kenny's birthday at Red Box while having fun....Of we went on a Saturday afternoon, seperated in three rooms, we sang till I lungs expanded to the point I think is about to eaplode but things weren't like before. We don't have the same kind of fun as we had on our last visit. Its just not the same....But despite that minor set back, my greatest joy was to see Kenny receiving his present, an mp3 player, where he broke down and cried at the sight of it. It was so touching as he hugged me in tears....These are priceless moments....Then it was of to the movies but since from a group of 20++, only me and Angel and Kirk are interested with it, we quickly changed plans to lounge at a Starbucks coffee house where we just spend sometime talking.....and a man from another table kept starring at me....weird....Oh, I would also bumped into Mandy Wong...Yup that girllie girl from church whom I used to be close with.I just couldn't imagine that she saw me but didn't had the courtesy of saying hello....Maybe she is just to ashamed to talk to me in front of his boyfriend....So much for making commitments not to date early...Hypocrite...Anyway, soon as we were chatting, we were reunited with the gang and later was told about a great free gift by buying news week....A new fad was birthed...a black news week bag to be carried around....Then I went to Mid Valley with my aunt and I did some unexpected shopping where my aunt bought me a book I long wanted entitled "The Book of Answers"....it does answer some of our questions...and then it was off to Leisure Mall and there got me a pair of white shoes....so, I visited nearly all the shopping malls in town in a day....Ain't it cool....

Love is a battlefield

2005-05-20T20:09:00.000+08:00

I truly believe in this....

Love is a battlefield

Love is never a smooth sailing matter....

You might love someone who might not have feelings for you

and

you might not even have any feelings for the one who loves you....

Ironic isn't it that our lifes needs to face so many difficulties just to find the one you truly love.

Thats why we should appreciatte the ones in front of us, the ones that seem so insignificant in our lifes but seem to make such a differance when they are away from us... please.... don't take anyone for granted.

Sometimes its just so hard to find two hearts that have the same feelings for each other....When you have found that special someone, there will be constant arguments and disagreements.....

It is just so hard to be able to love someone till we die....The words "till death do us part" is indeed a special phrase where two pledged to love each other till death but so many often fail to reach the mark. It is so easy to proclaim it yet so hard to fulfill it.

I hope today that as you read this message, take a minute to just close your eyes and ponder about the people dearest to you...

Have you treated them right?

Have you been harsh when you speak to them?

Friends or lovers,

never hurt the ones you love, it might take one word to

send someone away forever from your life.

Love is a battlefield

Embrace everyday of your life thinking and caring, loving one another.

Sometimes

Viva 4 ever...

2005-05-19T18:13:00.000+08:00

This is a tribute to all those in U6Sc2,
Please help me circulate it through email if some may not be able to visit my blog....

It has indeed been a year since this class is constructed and I never believe that its by chance or coincidence we all meet in this class. So many happy times we have shared together, exchanging presents, visiting the karaoke, Red Box, and just plain chatting,spending time with one another....

But as time passed, time brought so many changes into our lives.....so many changes that I couldn't understand. As I sat in class today, I felt a certain silence.....No one seem to be who they were before....Are these changes for the better or worse?

And I also realise......many a times I am indeed a worthless contributor to the class....so many hearts have i bruised, words that have hurt so many one of you....I am a useless person, a volatile individual where I follow my emotions more than my senses....that is no wonder why most of you cease to even come close to me....I do feel I have lost many of you....Wanna know a secret, each one of you, Angel, Boon Ming, Kenny, Ling Li, Kai Yit, Irene, Christina, Mee Fong, Wai Jin, Chee Kuen, Sue Yee, Su Sin, Wei Zhi, Kok Keong, Ken Maw, Mun Wai, May Hwa, Sze Jun, Pei Ye, Shobana, Venni, Padma, Xi Mun, Khai Cheong, Yin Ying......The whole class practically are precoius gems to me, each plays a significant part in my life, every individual so dear to me....but being me, I often treated you guys badly....i am ungrateful of the people God blessed me with....

Well...I felt a certain differance in class...Its so different now....But what ever it is, I want you guys to know..You guys..All of you made my life a differance...Really and I treasure each and everyone of you....

May our friendship last. Viva 4 ever

Finally I made it

2005-05-09T18:08:00.000+08:00

Well finally

I've proven to myself a very important point.

I could sing, I really could!

Well I went for the Malaysian Idol audition and guess what?

I met the three legendary judges namely Paul moss, Roslan and Fauziah Latiff or better known as "Kak Jee"

All three of them were singing praises and wow, I finally proven to the people who usually tease me especially my sis that i could really sing.

Though my mum said that this year is my crucial year and I am not allowed to move further....I did prove to myself that I am gifted.....Thank You Jesus!

Well well well.....

2005-04-26T18:39:00.000+08:00

Today is like any typical day in school where I will go through the toils and tribulations. Math was gruelling and chemistry was a mess.....

Later we had meeting and boy, what a ding-dong just watching the prefects debating about their own rights and standing firm in each of their selfish beliefs.....

Then it was off to lunch with my sis but hmmm.... things weren't well, she was kinda hostile to me and I really need to know what is going on, I am sure that you are familiar with the feeling of doing something wrong without realising it but you will get certain sneers and stuffs like that, it's scary.....

If you are reading this SIS, I love you and I hope we can just clear things up.......

Anyway, I just hope that this week's EM will go smoothly and hope that all turns out well....Gotta chow, chem test is in 2 days and I have litterarily a Million things to do....

Thanks for withstanding my endless blabbering

FInally...I am back!

2005-04-25T18:08:00.000+08:00

Huh....I am back....
Yup... miss me?
Afraid not, hahahahaah....
Anyway, I was kinda busy with things around me,

Exams( huh dun you start it!)
Evengelistic meeting,EM
Prefects camp( Thank God it ended)

Yup, actually I kinda complained day and night about going for it ( My captain Xi Mun, she ain't one those whom I totally love to hang around) but it turned out to be fun, I enjoyed the sessions and being a part of the commitee and as a facilitator, I was so privalaged to bully my juniors!!! LOL!!!! I was also enjoying the fact that Xi Mun was talking to me nicely, I can get used to that. The best part is hanging out with my fellow prefects despite the fact I have to stay up till 5 in the morn and wake up an hour later.......

Now, I am in the midst of my bath, I have just finished the essential part, now is just to wait for my conditioner to fully seep into my hair before rinsing off....EM band practice was good, at least I didn't sing out of tune and I think we all were worshiping God....

Ok, I think I need to hit the books already, see you soon diary, I will update you soon,
Bye and Love you (This is the first time I tell you I love you so appreciatte it!)

Haih.......Girls.....

2005-04-20T18:37:00.000+08:00

Well I suppose everyone is familiar with this particular creation of GOD.

Yup, thats right, girls......the ones created from our flesh and bones....

I mean face it, to a girl, you are forever wrong no matter what you do if she doesn't get it her way and they have a way of making others think like so too......

No offence to girls, I like girls, I like being around them and well sometimes there are some words that are tabooed only to guys.... I mean c'mon, be fair.....

For example, a girl can tell another girl that that the dress make her look fat but not a guy......

And the worst of all is this, you get blamed for everything.....and I mean everything.

They are also created in a way where reverse psychology seems to be an in-built programme, ready to launch it's deadly arrows at it's victims.

They'll cry to make you feel bad, they will not talk to you so that it will make you feel disgusted about yourself.......

Help!!!!

Really, I just hope that girls would only understand us guys more.....I know we are created differently but that is what makes all of us so special......to be able to co-operate and to give way to one another.......

But whatever it is, girls, I still respect you guys...I mean girls and I really just wanted to voice my point of view.Guys are not perfect and I know, it's just that I need to blurp things out to lighten the weight placed upon my heart.

Thank for listening or reading perhaps......

33 children?

2005-04-19T18:43:00.000+08:00

Well as you can see, this is Angel and her bestest friend Christina.......
She is my soon to be wife(in my dreams of course) and has promised to deliver 33 children for specifically 11 sons, 12 daughters and 10 more with the gender of her choice......
Hahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahhahahaahhaha

Ok I have to tribute to a lot of people....

For example, this is Irene
She is my Christian Fellowship secretary and boy, she is the best I have ever seen with great administration skills....I thank God for her or else my minutes will be like.....never mind.
Next is an ugly chinaman who hail from Malaysia but has nationality crisis. He is an avid supporter of his ancestrial roots that hail from China...
Kai Yit is my neighbour in school who constantly helps me in math( cos I am weak) and He is one of the most dependable friend at times of trouble.....
emmmmm.....Ok I will update more of my friends later..........
Actually I am kinda malas to write summore larrrrrr......
See you tomolo.

TIred!@#$$%^

2005-04-18T18:41:00.000+08:00

Hmmm...just reached home and oh boy, What a day it has been!
Started of with a morning usual prefects meeting,I had to be there or else they'll complain about this uncommitted Vice Captain.

Then it was the usual boring Monday assembly where our school brag about the acheivements and stuffs like that.

Later, "Ahoy Maties, Its time for our listening test."

Suddenly....."Ah.........my purse is stolen" said Angel.

After the whole day in school(Thank God it ended) it was to the police station for a police report.......(Talk about effieciency).It took us more than an hour just to lodge a police report about a stolen purse......Don't get me wrong, I am just trying to imply how detailed the police were and that we should give our fullest support to them.

It is about 3.30pm and it was worship practice, as usual I am given comments like the Idols and the best part is I have one who looks like Randy Jackson but talks like Simon Cowell and one who acts like Paula Abdul but is a guy and oh, he is Paul Lau. How ironic!!!

And now, I am finally home, resting and surfing and blogging so thats it.....I have released all the tension I have. Thanks for allowing me to blurp all the baggages on my chest.........

(I have just nothing else to post except for my petty complaints so thanks anyway)

The Stars of my life(part 2)

2005-04-16T23:50:00.000+08:00

Ok, This is my continuatuion of tributes to those dear to my heart.....

These are a group of girls I truly appreciatte
Sue Yee, Su Sin and Chee Quen.
They Had been the elites in my class and the ones who constantly bully me During group assignments and stuffs.......
Hahahahahahaha......but I still love them very much though!

[
Zooming in, this is Chee Quen, The first ever person whom I discover shares the same birthday as I do,Isn't she privalaged?

Please take a closer look into this picture.
Yup, its none other then my classmates,The Noisiest, Brightest, and I dare say, Most United class I've ever been into.

[
Never underestimate this bunch of wacky people.....It consists of top scorers and talented personals......so, what are you waiting for, Collect them all...

Life is like a box of chocolate

2005-04-16T23:35:00.000+08:00

I was reading an interesting story online just the other day and I discover it was about a life of a homosexual.He is trying his best to be come straight but.....can he really do it?

You read it and be the judge.

Life is like a box of chocolate, you’ll never know what you are going to get. I truly believe in this saying. Some may pick the good, creamy ones, while some may get bitter and hard ones. Back to when I took my chances in picking a chocolate, I got a rather odd one.

The age 13 marks my early teenage where I encounter so many new experiences.
Being in high school, puberty developing and a new life beginning to unravel, an odd feeling starts to form as well. I often get all flushed and shy in front of boys, especially those who are really attractive and my friends, or rather most of them which I am close to are girls. Talk about being popular.At this point of my life, I realize I am attracted to men. I start to fantasies about them, thinking and hoping to explore into their unknowns and what is beneath it all. My eyes are often transfixed upon those manly, buffed up boys but knowing it to be abnormal; I try to shut this behavior off. Being a gentle boy, I am often given names such as sissy,”pondan” and so on. After repeatedly being tease, I started to accept it this identity and soon, the door of curiosity opened. I longed for experimentation on my sexuality.
It’s not long before a classmate of mine approach me and that was when my curiosity was then, satisfied.

It was in an old, moldy toilet, we embraced our first kiss and from then on, we embarked on a romantic liaison of oral emission and orgasm peeking experiences.

It was at my most rebellious stage in my life too this happened. And mum decided to sent me to church for a so called “rehabilitation”. I was reluctant at first but as soon as I was accepted to the fellow brothers in my church, I come to realize that I am accepted just the way I am. My gentleness was never questioned instead everyone tried to toughen me up.

It was at the age of 15, I took up my guts to open up to those around me. Stepping into the pastors' office wasn’t easy. The fear of rejection and condemnation played around my mind but I made up my mind to give it a shot. I shared about my past to him. The whole time, my eyes were constantly flowing with tears. I felt like a little boy admitting my wrongdoings to the father. But after the whole session, I feel free. I feel like a huge rock has been lifted and I know I have someone to bear it with me. The whole time, I realize what I’ve done was sinful and just knowing that salvation is waiting right there to say it’s alright, brought me back to the right track.

It has been years since that day. And boy what a journey it has been. It’s never easy waking up every morning facing my struggles and bondages. Everyday is like a battle I have to face. Times of temptation often visit and I admit, falling has been my frequent record. But do note that God is not a fairy godmother. He isn’t going to lift up the wand and change you from who you are in an instant. I realize my life needs to go through tests and trials in order to shape me into the man I am supposed to be. All I know is that no matter how many times I fall, a hero will always rise again.

Life is filled with choices. God loves us so much that he gives us the freedom to choose how we would want our lives to be. But “freedom” is to be free to choose what is right and not wrong, which will only encage us in a pit of guilt and shame for life.

Let me indulge you with another new discovery in my life.
Lately, I found out that a girl, who by the way, knows of my past, has put forth her feelings towards me. It means the world to me because knowing my past and to be able to experience this is definitely a blessing from God. Who knows, one day, I might be walking down the aisle with the woman I love.

Life is like a box of chocolate. You might get an odd one, with an odd taste but you’ll never know that if you persevere to the very end, the last bite might be a bitter sweet ending. I have still a long journey to go but for know, I am glad to know that I am given a second chance and I shall taste that last sweet bite at the end of my long and winding road.

tong hua(fairy tale)

2005-04-16T19:13:00.000+08:00

Have you ever heard of a fairy tale?
I have.
Each one has been my favourite and I love each ending, the part when Prince Charming leads the princess in a kiss and as everyone says, they lived happily ever after.
I believe each one of us dreamed to have such a beautiful ending in our lives.
But many times, our lives don't end up like that. It's often hoping for something which will never be ours and crying over it. It's a one in a million chance to live like Cinderella.
I was currently introduced to a beautiful song entitled "Tong Hua" which means Fairytale.
It's a song by Malaysian singer, Micheal Wong. Even though I am no fan of chinese hits, the lyrics and the music of this song captured my imagination.
The song goes:
Icouldn't remember how long
I've not heard
Of that favourite fairytale of yours
I've been thinking for a long time,
Impatiently
I ask if I've done anything wrong
You cried and told me
That fairytales are merely lies
And that I am not your Prince Charming
And you've never realised that
When you said you love me
The sky and the stars in my life has
Been lightened up

I am ready to change into Your fairytale
The angel of your dreams
With my outstretched arms
Like wings, to protect you
But you must believe,
Believe that that our lives would be like a fairytale
Where happiness will always be our end.....

I agree,
Its soo romantic.
The music video was even more touching where the leading lady died of luekimia(how do you spell it?) when they start to fall in love.( go check it out, a must see)

Will we ever be able to live in our so called "fairytale"?
How do you define your fairytale?
It could be just holding the hands of your loved one, looking out of the window or it could also mean embarking on a journey to the unknown, just the two of you.

As for me, I have only a modest wish which is that I will be there with the one I love till death do us part. Like the lyrics, I wish i could promise whoever my love would be that I would be that angel of her dreams, covering her from harm and embrace her with my love.

So,
Have you found Your "Tong Hua"?

The first cut is the deepest!

2005-04-15T18:47:00.000+08:00

(This is dedicated to the special ones in my life)

Ever remember the time when someone said something no one is suppose to know?

Recall the time when the slip of the tongue caused all the pain and sorrow?

I know how it feels like and what is it like to go through all that.

It's like a person being stabbed and its a fresh cut, your heart aches, calling for help.
All the pain is going through your head and it feels like you could just die there.
Well, the bible says that our tongue is like a double-edged sword.
It cuts both ways.....
I am learning how to control my tongue, discerning when I am supposed to open my mouth.
But to err, is human......I am still on a journey of renewing myself and of self improvement.
TO all those whom I've hurt verbally, in no matter one way or another, i beg of your forgiveness.
ANd that comes from the heart...

The Stars in my Life...(Part 1)

2005-04-14T17:22:00.000+08:00

Hmmmm...... yup
This is not, I repeat this is not my boyfriend.....
He is Kenny Wong SIew Foo.
The guy who sits in front of me and he is the most gentle soul in the whole entire universe.
ANd I treat him like my bro in our circle of brotherhood....
Hahahahaha
Anyway, he has the talent for Grafittis and a total artist,
Leornardo da Vinci and Michealangelo,
Step back!!!
He is just one of the many good friends I have that i happened to be blessed with.

I have my sister too...... (not the biological one....ehem)
Check her out.....

Yup i noe, she is soooo pretty right but I am sooooo sorry,
She is taken. hahahahaha
She is
my confidant,
my friend,
my soulmate,
my driver at times,
my duet partner,
my sister,
my classmate,
my church member,
my CF commitee,
my sms partner,
my personal safe deposit( not money, just secrets between the two of us )
AND
vice versa.
In short

She is

Adorable
Nice
Gracious
Elegant
Loveable

Anyway here is another picture of my other friend.
Her name is Wai Jin.
She is my class monitor.......not to mention....errrr.....she will kill me if she ever reads....lol
Anyway, she is a sweet girl which I enjoy to be with.
Let me tell you something, she is an intelectual sports woman who has leadership in her. She is a full package of extremely good qualities so do get to noe her.

Anyway, i will share bout my other stars soon,(not free and dun have their pictures yet)
Check out part two of " The Stars of my life".

Can I sing?

2005-04-13T17:08:00.000+08:00

Well ...

hmmm..

I've been wondering that if I can sing. It has been my childhood Dream to be able to stand in front of everyone to sing but.....

Some said that I can while some, well I believe they have been watching to much of Simon Cowell.

The point is I really need people to give me truthful and dependable comments....

I myself is having disillusions bout my voice...

And the wost thing is I couldn't judge my own voice.....

So if u think You are that dependable person, don't hesitate to send me a comment on my voice, my choice of songs as well as the most important part of all......do you think I'll ever make it?

MALYSIAN IDOL 2?

2005-04-09T19:13:00.000+08:00

WELL JUST DROP BY TO ASK YOU A QUESTION.

WAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MALAYSIAN IDOL?

DO YOU THINK ANYONE WOULD BE SUCCESFUL IN THIS SHOW IN OUR COUNTRY?

I KNOW PEOPLE LIKE FANTASIA AND KELLY AND REUBEN ARE SUPER SUCCESSFUL BUT IN MALAYSIA?

AND DO YOU THINK PEOPLE JUDGE BASED ON TALENT OR THE FACE?

LETTING YOU ON A SECRET( AACTUALLY IT WONT BE A SECRET NO MORE IF I TELL YOU)

I WANT TO JOIN MALAYSIAN IDOL BUT THE FEAR OF REJECTION IS WELL LETS JUST SAY I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO MAKE IT.

WAT DO U THINK?

MYSELFEDNESS

2005-04-02T18:35:00.000+08:00

HEY JOURNAL
SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING.
ITS MY WRONG....
ANYWAY, ARE YOU READY TO EMBARK ON A JOURNEY OF SELF-DISCOVERY WITH ME?
I MUST WARN YOU, THIS JOURNEY IS HIGHLY HAZARDOUS AND YOU, AS A JOURNAL, MUST BE ABLE TO COPE WITH MY CONSTANT NAGING AND COMPLAINTS, AS WELL AS MY ENDLESS BLABBERINGS.
IF YOU AGREE, AS THEY SAY,
LET'S GET IT STARTED!